I’m Shallow….#shrugs

*Let me start off by saying this isn’t a male bashing blog, because I know I have male readers…there are NO attempts to get back at anyone. I’m just revealing my experiences good and bad. This isn’t a “GIRL lemme tell you why i’m so angry” outlet either…although I might have a few rants here and there, these stories and thoughts are simply just a compilation of my truths.

I didn’t date a really good guy  because he had child bearing hips… I know, “Why oh why?!

A month prior to being startled by the unexpected, we were introduced to each other by a mutual friend. Our first meet was at a coffee shop in the village that lasted for hours. After a dry phase of no action, conversation with a male species was everything! Visually, I was drawn in… To tell you guys this story and of course to protect his identity I’m gonna call him Zulu. Zulu had a distinct aura, everything movement was done with ease. He embodied a rather regal poise that trumped the mannerisms of every guy that I ever dated. The way Zulu lifted his cup, motioned his chin to nod and squinted his eyes when he seemed interested in my words made me feel giggly and girly! Fortunately, for the first time this feeling was definitely different. Up until that point all I had an affinity for were Brooklyn boys who could bear the reputation of being a bit brash and self-centered. Zulu wore trench coats, blazers, even wore a handkerchief in his pocket sleeve. He seemed like a  J. Crew type, this was different, I told myself “be open P.” Having had a weakness for dudes who were timbs and jordans, I wasn’t use to a guy like this. He even had a very stoic way of sitting with crossed legs. At the time I thought it was sexy and very Alpha male but little did I know, it was probably the most comfortable way for him to disguise things…

Anyway, we were building. We talked about our dreams, future investments, fears, families and music. We dissected Coldplay and Frank Ocean lyrics, eventually laughing at the fact we might be so wrong about what we think the songs really mean. He intreoduced me to ways of cooking with a variety of spices, traditional symbolisms, a deeper look into Greek mythology …ahh the list went on. Sidebar, I always look forward to learning from the dudes I’m interested in, as we all should. There’s something about the exchange of two people bringing forth the things they’ve learned or collected as individual spirits that makes the prospects of dating or becoming a duo so magnetic!

After our meet, me and Zulu would only talk on the phone due to our schedules. We’d talk for hours every single day and skype, skype flashes and all (hehehe). Finally we decided to meet in LES for crepes. Of course I was running late, wearing heels makes me move a little slower because 1. I’m not trying to fall and 2. I didn’t map out that when you’re  wearing heels and taking the train, walking cute in heels + a shitty train schedule results in arriving way past the scheduled time (try to keep that in mind!). So I finally reach to the spot and he’s sitting on the bench in front already waiting for me. I decide to be extremely charming to dismiss the fact that I was 20 minutes late. He appeared cool, his “Wall Street Journal” occupied his time I guess. I thought to myself, Wall Street Journal huh? Prior talks of investments? Who is this guy? His J.crew-esque nature was growing on me. I’ll admit I did think in some instances his whole GQ thing was forced and pretentious but I was beginning to think this whole appeal could really be who he was.

After we made our decision on what crepes we wanted, we waited for them until the waitress called us over to get them. He smiled and gestured me to remain seating and stood to walk over to the counter. Abruptly my eyes could not believe what I was seeing. These grand-mama hips were protruding from his sides. What?!  How could I miss this?!! I mean we had exchanged pictures, seen each other once but HIPS. Trying hard not to seem like there was a issue, I smiled and conversed as if nothing was wrong. I tried to sneak looks every now and then to try to see if my eyes kept playing tricks on me but they were still there. As we talked more and more my tone with him started to change, I felt me going into homeboy mode. I started talking to him as a friend and not someone I was interested in. It became obvious to him on our walk from the crepe shop. I felt so bad but it was naturally happening, my like and curiosity turned into me being confused and awkward. Soon after our connection faded,we never met up again. On paper he was perfect but my truth was staring me in the face, I was shallow. I couldn’t get past the hips, guess the hips really don’t lie (bad joke…#shallowshrugs).

Fast forward to today he’s still handsome, VERY successful and in love. Most people would think I was a fool to have not tried to at least overlook that, maybe, but i’m too much of an asshole. I couldn’t visualize me and him having an intimate moment and seeing those hips. I also couldn’t get past the thought of introducing him to my friends and family and seeing their eyes pierce to his hips. Ugh that would be too much stress! #shallowshrugs

I’m not perfect inside and out and I really don’t pretend to be. I’m understanding that everyone has a preference but my gut always lets me know what works for me and what doesn’t. I’m a work in progress, sue me!

Have you ever had a #shallowshrugs moment? I want to know…No judgements here!

She writes…

 

Fuck it, that’s been my mantra lately….

Two years ago I started this blog as an expośe into what it’s like dating when in your 20’s and never put it out there. I thought to myself, “Shit, this is waaaaay too personal, why would anybody want to read about my highs and lows of being a doting single and some times not so single Brooklyn girl in New York?” For 1. I knew my adventures would either boost the ego’s or offend my past and present suitors and 2. I didn’t want to be just another blogger girl with way too many aspects of my life on the radar. I’ve seen some instances of the blogging world get a bit messy and complacent. It’s so easy to get caught up without a grasp of real life and I had no intention to be another face. Having had my little taste of the scene in the past, I realized quickly that I was a little to ballsy for the cliques. I had my solid squad of day one friends and wasn’t about to falter under the pressure…but I still felt this persistent obligation gnawing at me to write again. Writing has ALWAYS been my very first love. I consider myself a student of  words, distinctly moved by the illustrious wordplay of FoxyBaldwin, Plath, Hov and Big L, just to name a few. My penchant to tell stories is very much a part of my being. Most importantly though, in this new year of my life I feel motivated to serve as a novice and shed some comfort to the twenty something modern misfits out here just trying to figure it out.

I’ve declared myself a hopeless romantic/partial asshole, I believe that real love is attainable but I’m not into the  fluff. The other night my Lyft driver told me “you gotta have some muscle in love,” that’s the realest shit I’ve heard  in a minute. I’m too realistic and too cool to comment #goals under a celebrity couple’s pic but yet hopeful and maybe a little green in believing that we can all experience cloud 9 love. With all great things comes struggle, as I’m starting to realize the road to getting there or even staying there isn’t easy. No one tells you that part though, especially in these times. Scrolling through your gram and coming across your friends and their “bae” pics could have you experiencing some major fuck my love life pains, ugh! Have less worries about all that and here’s why…

Here’s the thing, I’ll reiterate time after time that life is hard because it is. I’m NOT a dating expert, I’m just winging the process and you probably are too. So as I take the risks in pursuit of whatever the universe has designed for me in the love, like or lust department, I’ll share what I learn in hopes that it’ll inspire you. Check in with me on all the tips, hits, misses, wins and fumbles as a guide and enjoy a few good laughs in between. So, L’chaim to phase 1 of us attempting to figuring out we could do to snatch up what we want out of this love thang:)

P.S. Happy Birthday to Me!

Pat:)