Mood…

angry-face-clip-art

Tis the season to be jolly…for real though be jolly!

Every holiday I’m met with the “concern” of family, visitors and old friends on my relationship status, it seems to always be a pressing issue that they need to resolve. Hit with a drive-by of questions, I always answer “I’m good.” I always get the odd stare of annoyance for saying very little, unless I feel comfortable enough to delve into the deets. I’m not the girl to blow by blow chat about who/what/when/where/why or why not…says the girl who has a dating blog. Hey, a little mystery goes a long way, I’m transparent enough on here! I definitely live/lived my truth but sometimes you have to hit people with the bob and weave because one question answered opens up the floodgates of fuckery!

“So when are we going to meet a Mr. Right?” Did you hear x and x got engaged, I’m hoping one day I’ll see a ring on you?! M first thought, Nah you ain’t getting shit out of me…all while my soul cringes and the urge to roll my eyes ALL the way back nudges at me.

The rat race to catch up and coin the thirst term #relationshipgoals is just not my forte and I’m not apologetic about that.

Blessings to those who publicly spiel on every detail of what’s going on in their relationship but for those who are unsure or just winging their relationship status, it’s OKAY. No seriously, fuck the FOMO and get your shit together. Everyone has their own lane and feeling guilty about your life based on what’s going on out there is doing a disservice to yourself. A part of me feels the concern isn’t even genuine, its nosey and a little alarming and that’s the part that’s frustrating.

In some situations, encouraged by cattiness and ego, a window to knowing pieces and bits of your love/lust life can either solidify their current situation. It’s the domino effect of approval that has nothing to do with your best interest at heart. It could be a case of being able to one-up you or their own selfish feeling of being exonerated that they have a conjoined title…it can get real petty around the holidays, trust!

Either way you have to hold true to the beat of your own drum. Whatever the status of your existing or non-existent love life is, keep in mind…

In due time, always remember that. Appreciate what life continues to offer daily.

Quality over quantity, xoxo

 

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Ridin’…

There’s something about car rides with guys…

 

A date, a destination or just a ride to nowhere always leaves a mark. Maybe it’s the prince charming complex we all have embedded within us that throws us in this fancy, “….your chariot awaits for you” transfers in real life as “Hey, I’m outside….” Reality has such charm right?!

Car rides to hopefully remember, greets you with night skies, city lights, sun beaming or rain streaming down the window. Accompanied with catalogs of good/bad/strange or corny music, the serenity or awkwardness of the ride somehow reveals something more about yourself and him. Back and forth gazes in between focusing on the road ahead can give a flutter. When good vibes are aligned the car is the perfect setting for clutch convos about life and the details often left for you or him to read between the lines…there seems to always be this reflective nuance that either makes you like him more or less.

His perspectives, jokes or the rap/sing alongs can be intrinsically satisfying or painfully annoying all while watching him man the wheel. This bubble that you guys are confined in for minutes or hours can literally take you under in a good, bad or an uncomfortable way. Any instance of ease or uneasiness is immediately felt because chemistry or no chem can’t hide itself in a car…

Should I Give a F@&c!?

 

Growing up I rarely heard my parents curse. The word “shit” or “son of a bitch” would probably fly out on occasion as an expression of frustration like dropping something or loosing a parking but NEVER in casual conversation! That simply wasn’t their style but once in every blue moon, hearing them curse was a guilty treat. I’d cheese and chuckle in glee when hearing it. Fast forward and their twenty something year old baby girl has somehow become a product of potty mouth culture. The village outside of my curse free abode that was suppose to help raise this child actually helped to foster the less fucks given and said.

…

I’ve been cursing for a very long time, since the second grade to be exact. I told this cock-eyed bully Jeremy, “Shut the fuck up!”it was such a free-fall feeling. He never got out of line with me again, I don’t know how but it rolled out of my mouth like I’ve been saying it for years. I could see how an 8 year old kid who probably only whispered curses was startled by hearing a quiet girl belt it out loud!

A good “what the fuck” has been my blankie for years. In my time of frustration or without a care, that’s been my go to phrase to substitute for whatever I’m ranting or confused about. I suppose it’s my years of being observant or perhaps my very early interest in rap. Most girls were into Spice girls and Brandy, I was into Hov, Kim, Foxy and a little Lady Saw…a bit too early I guess. First time I heard Lil Kim’s “Queen Bitch” my heart kind of blushed in all her Brooklyn girl glory just talking shit in a very fearless candor. I wanted in, I wanted to have the freedom to say whatever came to heart but “Kim is a rapper P, she has reasoning, what’s your’s?

There’s a time and place and not all instances call for an outburst. It shouldn’t be a stretch to expand my vocabulary, I do it often actually. I’m very aware that I don’t have to curse at all but I like too and it just blurts out. In some cases I have control, work of course, handling business (a curse might get thrown in a meeting here and there) and in depth one-on-one’s (but again a curse could get thrown in there too…:(

In a world of building relationships, making connections and dating, I go back and forth wondering If I should even care whether or not my cursing is a bit too much. Some people don’t flinch at it and then there’s others who get real quiet. In the past and present some guys have deemed it to be quite cunning or just fine. Yes, “fucking asshole” with a little spark of wit could be doting or normal to someone who understands my flair of discourse. A part of me feels a little guilty though, does it make me appear not lady-like or rough around the edges? I already have my reservations about what really classifies as being a lady but I’m on the fence about how or if my cursing reveals my pinned up aggression and the extent of how offensive it may come across.

Everybody has layers of things they mask, my spirit doesn’t allow me to. It’s as if I have this agreement with the universe to work things out. My growing pains shows itself up in so many aspects of my life forcing me to deal. One day I hope to lead a very zen like life where nothing is fussed about but i’m not there yet. It’s a process and I’m in the beginning stages, the #unraveling stage where a lot of shit is sufficed to the surface for me to dissect and resolve.

It takes a lot of trial and error for things to hit home so maybe you can understand why cursing has been such a refuge! Is it offensive? Maybe, and should I curb it a bit? IDK! I have an issue with conforming to make others comfortable, especially when I date. In the words of Auntie Mary, “Take me for who I am.”

Work in Progress xoxo

HA!


“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”-Marilyn Monroe



I pride myself on my sense of humor, I consider it one of my darling traits. I can find the funny in every situation. I’ve accepted that life is way too hard not to have a good belly ache cry/laugh.

On many occasions I’ve heard guys says “yo you’re mad funny, it’s refreshing.” Flattered, yet curious and a little confused after hearing it numerous times, I once asked “Why? You don’t laugh with females ?!” The response was a sharp “NO.” This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this and i’m a little annoyed by it but not surprised.

A huge part of me hates to give in and conform to whatever behavioral standards society feels like women should abide by. We’re traditionally taught to be everything but our true selves and guys give in to believing that bullshit too. From a little girl you’re raised to be a lady, and in every household the rules apply differently. No judgement here!-the dynamic under which it was taught could have particular reasoning. I’m not a prude against some of the basic rules. For one, I do believe in sitting with your legs close, skirt or pants (I wish people remembered that in the train, Tuh!). It’s nothing like a leg spreader that takes up 2 seats, it’s not only a dude thing, TRUST and bottom line it’s plain whole nasty!

I’m considerate that every moment doesn’t call for humor. There is a time and a place where on the deeper surface of things people are going to want to take you seriously. Every laugh/joke isn’t always going to foster sincerity or trust. I wholeheartedly get that but if ever there is a window to loosen up and laugh at things well then take that opportunity!

There’s not a guy I dated that didn’t appreciate me telling them the ridiculous story of the night I almost got tazed in the club (stay tuned for that story) or the night I almost got caught by the Park patrol for indecent behavior (TMI)! They were both scary and crazy experiences but I found a way to laugh at it!

Then there’s my unique crazy coupled with a pinch of my foul mouth from time to time that you either like, love or loathe. I accept all facets of my shit because it illustrates personality and that along with other things goes a long way.

Crazy/silly girls are always down to try something new, that in itself is a rare gem. Nobody wants a stagnant bore! If you believe a guy can’t take all of what makes you, YOU then have fun with someone who does!

Cuddy Buddy 101

At some point in your life your gonna want what you want and when you want it but just be able to own it!

I was going through one of my many changes, for once I wasn’t in “I want a boyfriend!” phase. This was a rear case, I’d been known to whine to my friends that if there wasn’t a new dude in my radar by the end of each passing year, I was going to prepare to join the convent. My new name would be Sister Mary P, and I planned to add very detailed accents to my nun frock of course, a little McQueen inspo (hehehe). Seriously though, without any prospects around and a lot of life shit on my plate, I had either too much or too little in the way for me to even be in the position to channel a partner. I sort of believe your soul has to shout “I’m ready now” and mine wasn’t, it was saying, “I wanna play…”

There was someone in mind, I’d been scoping out for a while. We shared mutual associates so doing a background check would be quick! I asked around very casually and everyone’s response was that he was very “cool.” I got nothing else but that very statement three times, “That’s it?!” I was just waiting to here juicy scoop or dirt on him but apparently he had a clean slate. My suspicions quickly turned into curiosity. This whole “cool” mystique sort of added to his allure.

I’ll call him Ease…Ease stood at basketball player height and was covered in tattoos . I would randomly run into him at parties and in passing but an exchange was never made, I was determined to be acquainted.

My best friend aka my life coach devised a strategy for me, the only resource was reaching out online (every girl should have a friend like this by the way, I’m SO lucky:) I had to go about this discreetly, wasn’t trying to get caught out there like some dm’ing thot. I had no idea what was going to come of this but I knew I wanted to kind of jump knee deep into finding out because he looked oh so good. Before hitting him up I lurked on his profile page just to see if this would potentially become a cat and mouse chase. Wasn’t interested in chasing at all, especially if he was normally the subject of lots of fanfare. If there was lots of heart eyed comments I knew I’d have to deal with ego and I don’t have patience for that. There was just a few of those but I wasn’t pressed. As long as he didn’t have a girl and I wasn’t breaking up a happy home, I  was in the clear! Finally I hit him up via his social media account and inquired about wanting to get to know him better. To my surprise we connected immediately.

This wasn’t a normal attempt, I also did not anticipate the window of either being accepted or rejected. UGH! hate it! I’m not the boobs all up in the frame chick, I barely have any full length photos on my pages. I only allude intense desirability when it calls for it, I know when to turn it on and off. Based on what’s usually on the forefront these days on social media my demure profile page could of have been a hard sell, but I guess my glow’d up selfies prevailed!

We began to text here and there…I was looking forward to long phone calls and constant texts, I was looking for some more effort but since I initiated getting to know him, the ball was in my court. Guys do that annoying shit sometimes…I could respect it, plus he was waiting for me to interpret what we both wanted out of this. He knew I wasn’t a thirst bucket and that I was a little too smart and quick on my feet to be disregarded as just a lay so he tread carefully. After a night of drinks I finally decided to meet up with him and almost instantly there was a loud energy that filled the room that indicated that this wasn’t going to be a walk through the park kind of situation. Sometimes you don’t even have to say it you just know. The night was reaaaaal young and when you’re a smart single girl that has integrity, there’s no rules but yours!

A movie unfinished turned into a marathon of wall to wall debauchery. During a quick intermission, we chatted  while semi-spooning. To be honest we didn’t talk about much other than the Brooklyn nightlife scene which I knew very little of. I make it a life long duty to  never become a constant face on a scene, especially if these outings weren’t genuine. I wanted no dealings with events that didn’t present good vibes or an opportunity to grow my network or net worth. I wasn’t moved by the convo, our interests we’re severely different, we had nothing in common but good music. Our convo was cool but a bit dry so I zoned out by focusing my eyes onto his illustrated body that was highlighted by  a blue glare from the night sky shining through his windows. I watched him in fascination, I was enamored by the strength in his legs and the cuts in his chest. First time in my life did I piece a guy apart like that. I felt like a man, I thought to myself is this why guys size us up, it was quite entertaining. After a couple more sessions I later woke up to a naked, tatted, snoring (sounded like choking) large guy next to me. Like most of us girls do, I began to get a closer glimpse from head to toe (low-key creep).

Naked, worn out sleeping guys tickle me, I was wrapped in an intense cuddle that was causing my arm to give out as well as sweat from the closeness. I feel like  guys regress and become co-dependent baby boys while sleeping, it’s hilarious. Finally getting to pull myself away, he turned to reposition himself to pull me back in.

I glanced at him and thought awww how sweet. You see this is where the signals went off, I thought, affection? omg does he like me more than I think?,  I think I like him too! This was gonna go left. I was adamant about making this a no-feelings situation. After all, this is the type of situation I told myself I needed but was I even capable? I was suppose to move like Robin Givens in Boomerang, just dip at sunset and leave the money on the night stand, the reality was I  was more accustomed to pursuing this love shit. I was more Halle,  a let’s build this happily ever after girl. Tuh!

Saved by an appointment in a few hours, I  decided to put my clothes on and call a cab. Even though he walked me to the door tossing  as he sleepily walked, I was expecting a walk to the cab and a “Hey cab driver, here’s a $20 for her cab fare?” Whenever I was a girlfriend or something close to it (LOL) a car ride home or the gesture to pay for cab fare was just a given but this was different. I felt low-key disrespected, I hated the feeling and got angry but I chicken-headily (yes I mad that up) gave it a first time pass. The second time it happened again, I told myself I wasn’t going over there again. I took ALL my anger out on him, we had a spat and faded the black for some months. There was a point where I was missing him, getting all territorial and shit. I low key almost made an attempt to go to a party because I knew he would be here. This was going to stop! We’d some how gotten on good terms again and resumed our arranged sessions. The sex was so good and I started to care less about his lack of ethics. Did I think he lacked some class in not being man enough to make sure a lady got in? Absolutely, was I a working girl who could take care of my own shit? Yes, and did I want a relationship, NO. I had to face hard facts, he wasn’t a boyfriend prospect and would never be. Plus, I learned when you proclaim your independence, guys turn a blind eye to chivalry in assumption that you always got it.

When the both of you have an agreement that sleeping with each other is solely a refuel when needed, the golden rule is to expect nothing less and nothing more. You’ll be waiting for cloud 9 for a quite a while or NEVER… Don’t expect the perks of being a girlfriend, because your not! You just have to accept that you might not hear from him until he’s up and Adam or vice versa. You might have to pay for your own cab fare and take the forehead kisses over the long embraces of not wanting you to leave.You may not even get the “did you get home safe?”text. All may seem rude and to some degree it is but those are the losses you might take having a Cuddy Buddy…

The silver lining is the luxury of choice. Some of us don’t have the time or even have the energy to invest in the responsibility of a partner, accepting this is the first step to getting your life! Me and Ease had this discussion and he admit that at the time he was oblivious to the whole cab issue because I came across super career-oriented and independent.Blah! Whatever the deal was, we somehow at a point remained commited to play our position. I hope you do the same when or if you embark on the adventures of getting your needs met.

The Waiting Game…

 

When I take an obvious liking to someone I’m really awkward, it embarrasses the shit out of me. My gutsy spontaneous, free-spirited self leaves me and I’m left front and center like my 10 year old self, waiting to see if he’ll drop hints on whether he likes me or likes me not….

I suppose it’s the “fuck, what does he think right now?!” jitters that causes me to ramble and question my every move. Here’s how it usually goes, your sitting in front of someone that is delicious and might one day be able to tap into the things you lost hope a guy could ever understand…but he doesn’t know that yet (LOL) and any indication of him knowing that YOU already think that (so early), makes you look eager and scary. So you fight with yourself and try to find some counsel or guidance that helps you to calm down, pace yourself and not fuck a potential good thing up. Your confident self now appears indecisive and uncomfortable. When you end the night there’s a feeling of uncertainty and defeat like you could have played it cooler. So for some resolve for your stirring conscious, you recap in your head and to  your best friend. You get the confirmation that you don’t want to hear. You definitely projected the awkwardness and there’s very little you can do about it but wait it out and hope that it translates to charm:(…but the odds are up against you because you had the opportunity to be your best self but you blew it because you were all in your head and not in the moment..

This is the downs of dating, the “Waiting Game.” Waiting to see if he’s still interested, waiting to see if you said or did too much or too little, waiting to see if he’ll text you first, waiting to see if they’ll be another date to redeem yourself, waiting to see if one day he’ll save you from future bad dates…

You wait but you still need to think about what’s going to be your best move…

Cabbie Gems

Nights on the town, late night escapades, very early mornings followed by daybreak walks of shame, the backseat of cabs have been my solitude to reflect on life and partake in one-on-one’s with cab drivers. There’s been many moments I’ve just wanted to nod off, have a emo quiet moment while looking out the window (while Jhene Aiko plays) or take pre-arrival selfies but whenever I look up the cabbie will start talking…respectfully, I give my undivided attention.

Somehow I always get cab drivers that want to share what they’ve gone through as if it’s a universal duty to enlighten me about the experience. I’ve gotten in the habit of rushing to my notes app to jot some good advice down and there’s a few that i’ve managed to remember verbatim. So from me to you, here’s some of the gems that I’ve been blessed with. I hope these hit home as they’ve done for me.

Armando-is from Yemen, dated a Jamaican woman before he got married and felt he was robbed of the experience of dating a caribbean woman because she didn’t cook him jerk chicken.


You gotta have some muscle in love..” Make sure he works really hard to have your heart and NEVER kiss him on the first date. Build together deeply and your union will be fruitful…”

Mohammedwife calls him 6 times during his working hours to get him through his 12 hour day, says it keeps him focused so he can hurry and get home to her:)

“…Relationships are even harder. When you fight remember to “err is human and to forgive is divine,” Alexander pope said that…”

Lady Cabbie – Newly divorced. Driving cabs is her side hustle, she also bought her first house on her own. High off being an independent woman at 50 something for the first time in her life!

“…Make sure you have your own money when he takes you out, you never know what can happen. You don’t want to end up hitch hiking or washing dishes in a cute outfit!”

Prophet Cabbie– sensed that there was a guy in my life that wanted to have a child with me and he felt like giving me this advice. This gave me goosebumps  because I’d just left my ex’s house and this was the annoying conversation we’d just finish having which left me with strong reservations. How he picked up on that is still chilling.

“…Who you create a child with is important. You have to truly ask yourself is the person fair, secure and loving enough to be my partner in parenting even if we stay or don’t stay together. Not because you guys think you’ll make a cute baby!”

Haitian Cabbie–  hates gentrification and lazy women.

“Pray for him but don’t forget to pray for yourself…”

Young cute African cabbie– believes Pusha T is so underrated (FACTS!).

“Ya man should always call, text or make sure you get in safely and if you ate. If you don’t get that “are you good?!” or “did you eat,” check-in, leave that lil ass boy alone.” He’s not interested sweetie! When you know your shorty ate it’s like making sure her body is receiving nourishment. Mind, body and soul is mad important…”

Next time you’re  in a  Lyft or Uber pull your head up from the group text and chat with the cabbie, lessons in life can come from anyone even at the most random times!

All Is Fair in Like & Lurk…

Brooklyn summer nights are inevitable… I was in Kelly Rowland mode, bronzed dewey make-up, bone straight bangs and a tank dress with boob action that introduced itself to by passers. Normally, I’m a little demure but the joys of a summer night called for it. My best friend and I decided to dine at Borough in Bed-stuy, we took the outside seats  and our viewing of our surroundings commenced. Biker boys posted up, with loud music…felt a little like old brooklyn. High off summer life, we politicked about our norms-boys of course, clothes, more money and art. In the midst of our conversation I was taken a back by a quick walker crossing the street in my peripheral.

I saw a beard and fresh kicks…The orange tint from the street light lit up the block, a perfect backdrop for whomever this was. It felt like a scene out of a movie, all this moment needed was the intro of “Blue Train.” I’m chuckling now at how I dramatically view everything through a hype/spike lens. As he got closer, his brown skin glistened under the street light and my best friend nudged me to get up and talk to him. She’d already peeped that he was SO my type but all I could muster was a stare and a crackled hi with a smile.

He was catching up to a friend that was walking ahead and turned to walk backwards just so he could get a better glance of me. He squinted, smiled and waved hello back. He was beautiful, his beard was jet black and was lined up with imaculate detail. I’d already nicknamed him Moses.

My best friend nudged me to get up and go talk to him and I shunned it off with the  nah girl shrug trying to shield my nervousness. “Stop being soft P,”she knew me too well, I had that “what if he plays me expression” (see prior post). I hated being underestimated and I knew I would moreso hate to live with the “what if that night I… “feeling. I walked over and I managed to successfully make small talk  which led him to walk over to our table. After our modest exchange and trade of numbers, I was curious to know what was gonna come of this!

The text portion of the getting to know you phase can be hit or miss. There’s a certain flow that has to happen, the time frame of the responses, the jokes, the right emojis, proper grammar. I consider it a crucial part in building up the attraction, unless your more a phone/in person type.

We talked and text, this was different. We had a lot in common especially the fact that we had similar experiences working in fashion but as soon as that was on the surface, he asked to called me. He asked me questions like who I knew, how I long I worked in fashion and if I knew some of his contacts, but I was so into getting to know him I didn’t find it strange. On an intellectual level I craved more. Our connection was steady but something was off. We talked about relationships, he told me he was single and never mentioned if he had kids or not….I never think that’s a question to ask after you ask someone, “so tell me a little about yourself?” I would assume that somehow that was a big enouhh deal to include in the description, am I wrong?

So July 4th comes around and he invites me to a bbq that he’s hosting so I make plans to head to his bbq with my homegirl but abruptly I get this call, “hey the bbq got shut down but I’ll let you know where we can still meet.” Huh?, where we can still meet? Guys have this tendency to forget that some women are different, my FBI vibes go into overdrive when communication gets fuzzy. I chilled though, the naive/chicken head side of me had future hopes of playing in his beard so I didn’t throw a hissy fit, it was too early for that…despite my suspicions. We kept in communication as I made other plans to spend the 4th and talked about rescheduling the next day. His stories kept shifting and getting stranger, at one point he was excited to see me, then he was en route to dropping his aunt to Harlem. Then he proceeded to tell me that he was locked up for  some years and had a suspended license so he wasn’t suppose to be driving. Minute by minute this was becoming a shit show and my happily beard man dreams were going down the drain! BUT I still gave him the benefit of the doubt because I’m not someone who turns my nose up at flaws, vices and setbacks. I might give a side eye but I’m understanding enough to connect that life has it’s hangups. Still something wasn’t right!

After our a call my FBI vibes kept pinching at me, I gave in after trying to convince myself that, “If the universe wanted me to find something out, it will show me…” but I decided to meet half way with the universe… I began to lurk. Background checks are essential these days, I’m just honest enough to admit. It surprises me with how much can be revealed. I figured I tackle Instagram first. I searched his company name and seen that they had posted a photo of him (Jackpot!) When I clicked on his @ name, mmmmm oh my god he lied! He shared a private page with his wife, not girlfriend but “wife.” Of course it was private but the profile picture  and bio was a dead give away  and I chuckled to myself wow another one bites the dust

So I waited for him to slowly reveal himself but the lies to create this single guy facade kept building. I felt like this was probably something he had gotten away with in the past and I couldn’t let him continue feeling like he got one over on yet another a girl.

The next day we’d carry on with our normal flow of texts and I asked him “are you on Instagram?” very casually. He went on that he didn’t have any social media accounts because he was too much on his grind. Rigggght, focused on lying! So I couldn’t resist blowing him up! I sent him a screen grab of the Instagram page and his only reply was “Damn.” HA…. I never heard from him again….He probably changed all his contact info in fear I’d reach out to his wife but i’m not vindictive and wanted no parts in being the bearer of bad news…

Later on that evening I decided to go to Facebook to see if he had any further secrets, I was curious even though I had no intention of ever speaking to him again. His name immediately popped up in my search results without me even typing his last name. Facebook is  too on point for my comfort it’s kind of scary! Based on his timeline and pictures, he had two kids and one seemed to be months old. He had happy family pics…I chuckled at how adamant he was about building with me when he had a whole family?!

Thank God for a positive outlook on fucked up situations because I could have immediately started an angry black woman shelf of all the fucked up things guys do…but i’m not that type of soul. It’s very easy to see how one can get there though, especially if it happens constant.To date someone with the intention of having a full cake and (wife and kids?!) and eating it too was plain old selfish.

I pray to never be bitter EVER but situations like this add to becoming a little jaded. An instance like this totally throws off your whole psyche of relationships. Had I not lurked I could have easily went on falling more and more for this guy to later find out I was a “side chick.”

The reality is that you don’t know everything about anyone you date. All you can do is take your time and hope to God he gives you the insight and rationale not to go crazy! It happens to the best of us but don’t let it deter you from living more!

For Starters…

 

The initial act of meeting a guy used to be a petrifying ordeal for me. I’d watch friends bag or get bagged by guys in both shock and adoration! Flirting, clever liners, and a chess game of giving the eyes and smiles across the room, but for me it was easier to watch than to attempt or be seen. As awesome as it was to know that I ran with a fearless breed of friends, I wanted to be inspired but it felt out of character for me to do it, the whole idea was nerve racking. With the lies of Disney fairytales in my subconscious, I became a glutton for believing that my NY prince would introduce himself to me in a very Bonnie & Shyne type of way, sans the feds running up on us (HA). Kick rocks to my dramatic imagination…after living vicariously through my friends and their dating conquests, I soon realized if I wanted to add some numbers in my phone, I’d have to suck it up and be a big girl!

Just like Meek said “scared money, don’t make no money,” the scared part always resonates with me because in ALL aspects of life being scared keeps you stagnant. Having a dry ass phone was becoming a silent but yet agonizing reminder that I was not gettin my life…I was also stubborn, I felt like it was a guy’s role to do the initiating. Now, some would agree that this should be the ONLY way, but there really isn’t a right way…either or works. Plus I can’t count how many times guys have told me a female’s approach was a huge turn-on.

I still had my doubts though, but I knew I had to be strategic and develop a game plan. I knew I couldn’t be too eager or too chill, a medium was always safe. I’d still whine in worry, “What if I just start talking to him and he tries to play me? My ego would be on the line!” Even though rejection is something that we all experience in some aspect of our life, whether it’s work, opportunities or relationships, we all have to feel it sometimes…But pride is a hell of a weight on your conscious. I had enough non-risk taking moments under my belt and I no longer wanted to jeopardize the universe’s many openings to enjoy or learn a thing or two in my twenty something life. Plus what’s for you is for you and what isn’t just isn’t! Getting a grasp on life and realizing that this isn’t the rehearsal was and still is a constant gut kick to taking a confident approach to any and everything.

Then there’s those things you just can’t be taught like understanding what type of energy your aesthetic puts forth in the world.. Fortunately, it can’t be taught, innately we should all know or get to know our vibe and what draws people in. What you eat, what you watch, what you read, what music you listen to, how you dress, what you find funny, the company you keep, your aspirations, your studies, experiences (highs and lows), morals, vices and even your scent…shape your story. Added with your physical attributes, being pretty is powerful once it’s added with personality, they go hand in hand.

Without the noise of people in your ear, there’s no one way to go about dating, wanting a boyfriend or a cuddy buddy but to be open…but you have to try! Don’t just say you want it, channel it and do nothing about it. Go out with the intention of meeting a guy, sometimes I wonder why girls go out?

“Girls night”shouldn’t be lets go out and drink and spend the whole night taking pictures and scrolling through your feed. You could like pictures in the cab on the way home! Look around the room, get away from the pack, see who’s posted up.

Sit at the bar and be sociable, actually go to the things you are invited to even if your tired. I’ve met guys and had more fun at the things I didn’t want to go to (after a long  work week its hard to fight the not feeling it feel though lol).

Be a fun girl, that shit is appealing and says you have a pulse. The “resting bitch face” can be a bit intense sometimes, although it can work with a good red lip but not ALL the time.

Try it out, see what you like and make your move or play your position and he’ll make his way. A smile or my personal favorite, “hey” with a head tilt and smile.

Live your life so you can have some amazing stories to tell your kids and grandkids about the adventures of being a fun YOUNG you!