#Loveyourz

We grow up to believe that being a wife and mother solely define us. Even if the times have changed and more women are fighting for the same things that society hands men, our efforts to be strong leading women falls second in the eyes of our culture. We can aspire to have our businesses, money and success but never too big enough because our audacious lives shouldn’t emasculate a man’s ego. We are more valuable in the world if we celebrate our commitment to men. To be a certain age and be single deems strange, to not tie ourselves to a man defines us as being promiscuous, alone, bitter or my personal favorite, angry. We’ve been taught to need men oppose to actually wanting them. I’ve witnessed women sacrifice the fruits of their labor and their livelihood for the betterment of their partners. We’re a culture taught to stifle ALL the things we want so that men can be comfortable, now that makes me ANGRY. It’s so etched in our generational make-up that unlearning these ideals seem impossible for some. As long as we accept and conceal our uncomfortable relationships it becomes a norm, we tell ourselves this so much that we even train our loved ones to accept it as well.

If I’m guilty of anything in my life it’ll probably be that I’m WAY too passionate and too invested in wanting the world for women. I sometimes feel like a lone soldier carrying this “BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE” with or without a man, flag. I’ll admit I can work on my approach and delivery when ranting about this issue but the fire in me rises. We can post strong, independent quotes and captions on our social media pages but we don’t actually exercise living those lives for real because it’s too off the surface…

I want love like most women but I’m not naïve to the flaws that come with it, when the celebrations are over and the fanfare/well wishers vanish, what is left? Are we okay with the façade and the perception, WHY is it okay to play the good girlfriend/wife to conceal that we’re not really satisfied. We get so caught up we start to think sustaining a relationship can one-up the people around us. It’s like, fuck what you, you and you think, I got a man and you don’t…

I was recently advised to mind my business if I feel a woman chooses this to be her fate, I should basically respect their decision but in the spirit of sisterhood I’m hurt by that. I’m hurt that we have to keep these things hush to lull confrontation and project peace by not offsetting a male’s insecurity with all this talk because again stirring a man’s ego is more pitied than an unhappy woman. When the love and sacrifice isn’t reciprocated we have to just wait for things to turn around. I wish we expected more  from ourselves and our partners.

So I vow to no longer impose but I might unintentionally ruffle some feathers by being a victor in empowering girls to live the fullest life possible.

Love and light to all…always remember to #loveyourz (Thanks J.Cole)

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