Real Gold…

At several points throughout my single girl adventures I’ve gotten this IDK feeling that comes over me…I feel like my soul is yelling, “When will I get this shit right?! A better question should be “will I ever..?” I have a tendency to go into every dating experience with high hopes. I try to keep a level head but ten minutes into the first date I’m either bored or texting my bestie like “nah this might be the one.” I try to keep a cool face but I haven’t quite mastered discretion when it comes to my facial expressions. Developing a cool calm exterior takes lots of trial and error and believe me based on error, I’m getting closer.

Along with dating, the hope factor takes on a whole new phenomenon. For instance i’m on a date canoodling and giggling at the bar, high of my maybe he’s “the one” buzz. Tequila shots of Don Julio swirling throughout my system is the perfect recipe to fuck with my judgement in determining what’s really going on here?!

Rambles: Is he gold or just gold plated? Is he the type of guy that’s can light your life up or dull it! Hey, remember be smarter P…

By date 2, sober and alert I already know what won’t work for me even if I deny it a few times after. Why universe must I always end up here?! 

I try really hard to tell myself that every date won’t determine my love fate, if fate is really even a real thing…Although I could be a part-skeptic/dreamer I tend to over do it in the thought department. I’m guilty of planning full fledge relationships in my head. In the the past if I ever went on a really good first date I’d shamefully create ideas of what “we’ll” set out to do in our awesome future together. Bae-cation in Anguilla? Lizzie Mandler custom engagement ring? A small but opulent garden wedding or city hall nuptials and a jazz/reggae brunch reception? Brownstone in Brooklyn? Condo in LA and Martha’s Vineyard for our summer home?! Thanks to Pinterest I can visually fawn over these very tough decisions that’s just waiting in magic wind to be made…LOL 
I’m pretty sure the point of dating is to narrow down what you want or don’t want in a companion. The thing is when you live in a settling society that threatens us to to “take” or “deal” with whatever, the pressure of time running out or a mother’s whining about your biological clock lays a rough surface of expectation. Making huge commitments with just anybody is not on my agenda, settling is a really gross feeling that I refuse to sit in. I see the regrets in a lot of women twice my age, I feel the weight of it in their lost hopes and dreams. I don’t want to live a life of “accepting” for the sake of just being with somebody.

I believe in that saying “when you know you know” and not only in dating but in all aspects of life and it’s choices. I believe our souls whether we’re connected to the messages or not, it has its own way of communicating our true intention and purpose. Some of us are fearless enough to listen to it and then there’s some of us who who don’t care.The truth will find a way to show itself in some form or another. So far I’ve followed the rules for way too long and I no longer have interest in living a life that doesn’t allow me to be my best self.

I’m beginning to look at relationships from a practical lens so I’m not naïve when it comes to the fairytale bullshit. Despite the odd’s relationships face, I do believe in falling head over heels even if it doesn’t last. I won’t deny myself from that enigmatic spark that can hopefully light up my core being and enrich my spirit. What’s the point in being in a relationship if it doesn’t challenge you to stand a little taller or brighter in a room? Material items/ vanity are cool but it doesn’t equate to someone adding to sprinkling more love to the gifts of that make you a better you. I’m not settling until we can stand alongside each other.

So universe, bring on the mediocre, bad dates, awkward dates and series of almost doesn’t counts for practice…when the universe decides I’m ready for the game changer/s in my life I’ll give in! Until then, Pinterest here I pathetically come lol…

Be good to you,

Pat xoxo

 

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Vex Money

 

 I want to see you, let’s have a drink…

*wink and blush emoji, what time?

what time  works for you?

8/8:30, Brooklyn? City?

Pick a spot and let me know?

Rambled thoughts with self!

Don’t you have an iphone? Google? Yelp dude, damn! Hate that shit! Ugh just makes me not even want to go anymore. Where’s the effort?

I’m hungry and I feel like drinking though, fuck it!

#Nodates drought OVER! ayeeeee

What am I going to wear? Shit I hate when guys hit you up out of the blue.

Play hard to get or just go on the date? Hmmm

DATE! (HA)

Weave on week 2, YAS! *stands at mirror and strokes hair!

What should I wear? Kim K type shit?! Can’t stand her ass but when it comes to date night looks, I can’t even act like she doesn’t serve!

Lemme go to Pinterest and search Kimye for some inspiration

Okay, simple but show boobs. MUST show boobs not too much boobs…and  HEELS!

Shit my feet are gonna hurt with these tonight, oh wells!

Gold rings and gold chains of course!

Outfit down! Shower next? hair next?

Is he picking me up? Meeting me? Paying for my cab? hmmm

Damn I wish I had a car to meet him? Fuck that, where would I park? Never any parking in Brooklyn anyway

I’ll lyft!

Let me scroll through instagram before I get in the shower

*ten minutes past, 

I’m playing around, omg I have to jump in the shower.

Actually let me check my account, I need to see if i’m good….

Gotta make sure I have back-up money just in case…

Waaaaaait WHAT? what did I buy? I hate bills..,why is my account so low? did someone fraud me? Omg I couldn’t have spend this much on food? Damn Capital One,  you’re NOW processing that charge? 

No P, you are not going into your savings, no no no!! It’s not that deep, they’ll be other nights, right God?

But what if tonight is the best night of my life? Cinderella type shit!

Girl bye!

Found a spot yet?

Don’t respond yet. 

You can’t go…

UGHHHHHH Really what if I just take a chance and hope the night goes smoothly. Hope might get me in some mess!

Ugh I want to get out the house and see him but this account is looking weak.  Maybe he’ll pay for everything? 

 Yeah he’ll take care ofeverything  BUT Nah, you never know! You can’t get caught out there!

What if he leaves his card? Looses his money or something? How would you look if you said ” sorry, I don’t got it.”  WACK!

So are you going to take the train 3:30 in the morning too?

Not a good look!

That’s NOT happening!  

Why couldn’t he hit me on pay day and not during the final stretch before payday? 

Ugh this shit sucks, it’s just gonna be a netflix and dry cereal night. Next time, if there’s even a next time, ugh!

Hey I’m going to have to cancel.

A little out of it, let’s reschedule:)

Ok…Cool…

Shit he probably thinks I’m not interested! I bet you next week he’ll be BUSY!

It’s whatever though because I’m not going anywhere without enough VEX money, anything can happen…

Be a smarter girl,

Pat xoxo