Brooklyn summer nights are inevitable… I was in Kelly Rowland mode, bronzed dewey make-up, bone straight bangs and a tank dress with boob action that introduced itself to by passers. Normally, I’m a little demure but the joys of a summer night called for it. My best friend and I decided to dine at Borough in Bed-stuy, we took the outside seats and our viewing of our surroundings commenced. Biker boys posted up, with loud music…felt a little like old brooklyn. High off summer life, we politicked about our norms-boys of course, clothes, more money and art. In the midst of our conversation I was taken a back by a quick walker crossing the street in my peripheral.
I saw a beard and fresh kicks…The orange tint from the street light lit up the block, a perfect backdrop for whomever this was. It felt like a scene out of a movie, all this moment needed was the intro of “Blue Train.” I’m chuckling now at how I dramatically view everything through a hype/spike lens. As he got closer, his brown skin glistened under the street light and my best friend nudged me to get up and talk to him. She’d already peeped that he was SO my type but all I could muster was a stare and a crackled hi with a smile.
He was catching up to a friend that was walking ahead and turned to walk backwards just so he could get a better glance of me. He squinted, smiled and waved hello back. He was beautiful, his beard was jet black and was lined up with imaculate detail. I’d already nicknamed him Moses.
My best friend nudged me to get up and go talk to him and I shunned it off with the nah girl shrug trying to shield my nervousness. “Stop being soft P,”she knew me too well, I had that “what if he plays me expression” (see prior post). I hated being underestimated and I knew I would moreso hate to live with the “what if that night I… “feeling. I walked over and I managed to successfully make small talk which led him to walk over to our table. After our modest exchange and trade of numbers, I was curious to know what was gonna come of this!
The text portion of the getting to know you phase can be hit or miss. There’s a certain flow that has to happen, the time frame of the responses, the jokes, the right emojis, proper grammar. I consider it a crucial part in building up the attraction, unless your more a phone/in person type.
We talked and text, this was different. We had a lot in common especially the fact that we had similar experiences working in fashion but as soon as that was on the surface, he asked to called me. He asked me questions like who I knew, how I long I worked in fashion and if I knew some of his contacts, but I was so into getting to know him I didn’t find it strange. On an intellectual level I craved more. Our connection was steady but something was off. We talked about relationships, he told me he was single and never mentioned if he had kids or not….I never think that’s a question to ask after you ask someone, “so tell me a little about yourself?” I would assume that somehow that was a big enouhh deal to include in the description, am I wrong?
So July 4th comes around and he invites me to a bbq that he’s hosting so I make plans to head to his bbq with my homegirl but abruptly I get this call, “hey the bbq got shut down but I’ll let you know where we can still meet.” Huh?, where we can still meet? Guys have this tendency to forget that some women are different, my FBI vibes go into overdrive when communication gets fuzzy. I chilled though, the naive/chicken head side of me had future hopes of playing in his beard so I didn’t throw a hissy fit, it was too early for that…despite my suspicions. We kept in communication as I made other plans to spend the 4th and talked about rescheduling the next day. His stories kept shifting and getting stranger, at one point he was excited to see me, then he was en route to dropping his aunt to Harlem. Then he proceeded to tell me that he was locked up for some years and had a suspended license so he wasn’t suppose to be driving. Minute by minute this was becoming a shit show and my happily beard man dreams were going down the drain! BUT I still gave him the benefit of the doubt because I’m not someone who turns my nose up at flaws, vices and setbacks. I might give a side eye but I’m understanding enough to connect that life has it’s hangups. Still something wasn’t right!
After our a call my FBI vibes kept pinching at me, I gave in after trying to convince myself that, “If the universe wanted me to find something out, it will show me…” but I decided to meet half way with the universe… I began to lurk. Background checks are essential these days, I’m just honest enough to admit. It surprises me with how much can be revealed. I figured I tackle Instagram first. I searched his company name and seen that they had posted a photo of him (Jackpot!) When I clicked on his @ name, mmmmm oh my god he lied! He shared a private page with his wife, not girlfriend but “wife.” Of course it was private but the profile picture and bio was a dead give away and I chuckled to myself wow another one bites the dust…
So I waited for him to slowly reveal himself but the lies to create this single guy facade kept building. I felt like this was probably something he had gotten away with in the past and I couldn’t let him continue feeling like he got one over on yet another a girl.
The next day we’d carry on with our normal flow of texts and I asked him “are you on Instagram?” very casually. He went on that he didn’t have any social media accounts because he was too much on his grind. Rigggght, focused on lying! So I couldn’t resist blowing him up! I sent him a screen grab of the Instagram page and his only reply was “Damn.” HA…. I never heard from him again….He probably changed all his contact info in fear I’d reach out to his wife but i’m not vindictive and wanted no parts in being the bearer of bad news…
Later on that evening I decided to go to Facebook to see if he had any further secrets, I was curious even though I had no intention of ever speaking to him again. His name immediately popped up in my search results without me even typing his last name. Facebook is too on point for my comfort it’s kind of scary! Based on his timeline and pictures, he had two kids and one seemed to be months old. He had happy family pics…I chuckled at how adamant he was about building with me when he had a whole family?!
Thank God for a positive outlook on fucked up situations because I could have immediately started an angry black woman shelf of all the fucked up things guys do…but i’m not that type of soul. It’s very easy to see how one can get there though, especially if it happens constant.To date someone with the intention of having a full cake and (wife and kids?!) and eating it too was plain old selfish.
I pray to never be bitter EVER but situations like this add to becoming a little jaded. An instance like this totally throws off your whole psyche of relationships. Had I not lurked I could have easily went on falling more and more for this guy to later find out I was a “side chick.”
The reality is that you don’t know everything about anyone you date. All you can do is take your time and hope to God he gives you the insight and rationale not to go crazy! It happens to the best of us but don’t let it deter you from living more!